{"id":817,"date":"2022-02-16T17:01:24","date_gmt":"2022-02-16T17:01:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/defendublog.com\/?p=817"},"modified":"2022-02-16T17:04:00","modified_gmt":"2022-02-16T17:04:00","slug":"how-rude-social-conditioning-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/?p=817","title":{"rendered":"How Rude!\u00a0Social Conditioning & Behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How Rude!<\/strong>
Social Conditioning & Behavior<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a9 Copyright, 2022 Tim Boehlert<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you think<\/em> you understand about the term social conditioning<\/em>? Did you know that it is both a tool<\/em> and a weapon<\/em>? Here\u2019s how it is summarized in Wikipedia:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Social conditioning<\/em><\/strong> is the <\/em>sociological<\/em><\/a> process of training individuals in a society to respond in a manner generally approved by the society in general and peer groups within society. The concept is stronger than that of <\/em>socialization<\/em><\/a>, which is the process of inheriting <\/em>norms<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>customs<\/em><\/a> and <\/em>ideologies<\/em><\/a>.<\/em> Source: Wikipedia.org<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Can using good manners get you killed? While on the surface that may seem like an absurd question, far too often it is the truth. Criminals in many successful daily encounters are using good manners \u2013 yours, against you. Phone scam artists and salesmen rely heavily on this well-known fact. This tool is known and understood by two opposing groups \u2014 criminals & law enforcement. Society really only understands one side of the coin, and that understanding<\/em> is very limited. In fact, it has a tunnel-vision component to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society can be described as a group that adheres to an agreed set of rules, laws, views, and expectations.
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Societies construct patterns of behavior by deeming certain actions or concepts as acceptable or unacceptable. These patterns of behavior within a given society are known as societal norms<\/a>. Source: Wikipedia.org<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The tunnel-vision aspect comes into play because of our social conditioning, and despite it. We are raised and also trained in the social sciences by our caregivers, our friends, family, strangers, educators. We spend a lifetime learning and testing the things that we learn along the way. We learn about boundaries, we test those traits and we learn from both the successes and the failures. We make adjustment shifts in our expectations.

We have some specific<\/em> expectations, the predominant one being that we all<\/em> play by the same rules. We adhere to these rules without any drastic deviations while knowing that some will color outside the lines. We also have an expectation that that<\/em> number is very low. What we fail to see and understand is that that<\/em> behavior is also a norm, for criminals. The reality is that people we thought we knew, which includes ourselves, use this to our advantage when we deem it appropriate to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We fool ourselves that we live in a safe world, that \u201cit probably won\u2019t ever happen to me,\u201d that \u201cthose things don\u2019t happen around here.\u201d You might be right. Is it worth the gamble?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s where social engineering can be used as a binary argument. This coin has two sides, tool and weapon. They can be the same thing \u2013 ding ding ding<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Criminals use this tool every day as a weapon. They may appeal to your vanity, or your ego \u2013 one and the same. They may also take advantage of your inability to color outside the lines. If they think they can do so, and it\u2019s likely they know they can before they even meet you, they will use the tool as a weapon \u2013 to overcome your senses. By doing so, they stun your senses and put you into a mental freeze. \u201cHow dare you!\u201d In that moment, while your mind is trying to comprehend their audacity, they strike, effectively overwhelming your senses by escalating their attack. It works like a charm. In fact, they use charm as a salvo \u2013 appeal to their ego and the victim drops their guard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are too many instances where social conditioning fails us – when the rules are not followed is a big one. An example, when someone else makes a scene at the mall, what is your reaction? How does their behavior affect you? Do you feel it\u2019s rude? Would you say that out loud, in front of a large mixed audience, to their face? Be honest. Most of us would not. \u201cDon\u2019t get involved<\/em>.\u201d is the typical thought, and response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wonder why when we approach our car in the mall parking lot that we\u2019d have any expectation of ownership. Is it just because we have the key in our hand? Do you think a criminal knows that? Do you think that he\u2019d respect<\/em>that? You both have the same knowledge \u2013 but his is that you\u2019re prey. 

With the prices of used cars in the current economy, everyone is now a target of opportunity. Even salesmen smell the blood in the water. They have the advantage. It\u2019s a marketplace that has never been seen before – an increase in demand, and a very limited pool of products.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The criminal may approach you in several ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExcuse me, do you have the time?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you help me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or it might be a physical encounter, closing distance, slight bump, or an all-out assault. No weapons necessary, only social conditioning. They appealed to your desire to be kind, helpful, but they appealed to your inability to be rude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExcuse me, do you have the time?\u201d, \u201cNope, I don\u2019t.\u201d Short, sweet, and to the point. No need to apologize, which is probably how you would have normally stated it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you help me?\u201d, \u201cI can\u2019t, and please don\u2019t get too close as I\u2019m contagious!\u201d So what, you lied a little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If they close distance, keep moving past your vehicle, or maybe abruptly turn and face the aggressor, and get very<\/em> loud! You could also be very<\/em> rude and push past them before they understand that their tactic didn\u2019t work on this one. If it wasn\u2019t an attack, you can explain your way out of it. You may feel<\/em> foolish, but so what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s now look at a crime that occurred this week in NYC. I believe the victim was killed as a result of several failures, but the one that no-one mentions is social conditioning, and how it may have enabled the suspect to gain access to the building and or her apartment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We share some common expectations, one of which is that our home is a secured space. It\u2019s assumed to be a safe place that contains those things that we deem necessary, valuable, and maybe sacred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


When you live in a \u2018secured<\/em> building\u2019, you have certain rights & specific responsibilities. You have the right to deny building access to anyone that you are either unsure of or that does not belong in that building. <\/p>\n\n\n\n


You share the responsibility of being a security officer for that building. By allowing anyone access to the building that does not belong there, you violate the trust of every tenant, and put every tenant in danger.

Unfortunately, this happens daily, everywhere. My aim isn\u2019t to place blame, but rather to raise awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A follow-on<\/em> is any incident whereby an authorized person enters a secured building using an authorized method \u2013 let\u2019s presume a key. This person then either pulls or pushes the door open and makes their way inside. And here<\/em>is the common mistake. Instead of immediately securing that door, we all assume it will automatically close. We got lazy, our guard was down \u2013 because \u201cah, I\u2019m finally home!\u201d <\/em>The follow-on person walks in just before<\/em> that door is secured. Most people don\u2019t\/won\u2019t even notice. Many simply shirk their responsibility and don’t care. Their attitude may be that it\u2019s not<\/em> their responsibility to do security. They may be right, but that attitude might also change their status to prey\/victim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s possible that this victim was unaware; it\u2019s also likely that she didn\u2019t want to go against her years of training in the social skills to confront a stranger. Was he a stranger? At 4a.m., would you not notice someone out on the empty street, walking in your direction? It\u2019s possible. Is it plausible that they could gain entry without your knowledge? And again, yes. Could that entry have been prevented? Maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Was she wearing ear buds, headphones, or did she bury her head\/attention in her phone\u2026 all very bad ideas under these circumstances, but also almost all of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to play this mental game \u2013 could she, would she, did she? It\u2019s merely a mental exercise called visualization where you play out scenarios in your head. To be good at it, takes practice and imagination. You have to push yourself into some very dark places, tight quarters, places that do exist even despite your inability to see that now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Everything that\u2019s wrong with this<\/em> scenario can be found in Gavin de Becker\u2019s, The Gift of Fear<\/em><\/strong>, read it and live the lessons between its pages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing that happens after that unauthorized entry was not due to that failure. The victim\u2019s inability to check and assume a higher level of responsibility, or her inability to color outside the lines of acceptable social behavior, and become very<\/em> rude let the wolf in the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If like too many of us, you believe that the presence of cameras will keep you safe, you need to understand a few things. Don\u2019t be complacent and complicit otherwise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most businesses do not invest in the best<\/em> equipment to keep their properties \u2018safe.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of these cameras may not be functional, and are rarely serviced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one is likely monitoring those cameras 24\/7\/365, if at all. Most just sense movement and only record short bursts of activity during that time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The common belief amongst security experts is that cameras are a feel-good solution<\/em>, a check box at best, perhaps a write-off for insurance purposes or a liability insurance policy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most crime caught on camera is very low-resolution, and unfit to be useful for law enforcement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cameras are most useful, after<\/em> the crime has already occurred\u2026 or maybe not so much. You can\u2019t\/won\u2019t know for sure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If available, and functional, they can be used after the crime has been committed. In this case we\u2019ll wait and see. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel that the true breakdown happened right at the beginning of the encounter \u2013 the victim either allowed the suspect into the building i.e. was too polite to risk being rude by denying access, too afraid to be confrontational, or otherwise distracted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denying access was key in how this crime evolved and might have been prevented.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After following her up six flights of stairs, what were her options?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How about SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!<\/em><\/strong> Yeah, that would be rude, seeing that it\u2019s 4a.m. and you don\u2019t want to disturb the neighbors, or make a scene with a total stranger. Would it have been effective?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being rude should have a place in your life. To be an effective tactic, you\u2019ll have to re-condition yourself to pick up and use that tool when it\u2019s necessary. You get to decide when and where that is. You also get to choose how much fuel you apply to that flame. In this instance, full burn was prudent and necessary, and forget the neighbors. That social interaction is off the table at 4 a.m., in a quiet part of town, in a quiet building.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, just be rude, and be very<\/em> vocal about it. That is dictated by the facts \u2013 the entry, the stalking, and the environment. You\u2019re going to make a lot of people very unhappy \u2013 but why do you care?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give yourself permission<\/em> to wield that tool like a weapon with full-on intent to do some damage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That follow-on<\/em> access trick that you now know more about? It is<\/em> a trick \u2013 you are being played when it happens. The predator knows that what he\u2019s doing is wrong, immoral, outside the lines. He also knows about your conditioning. What\u2019s in his favor?  – your<\/em> social conditioning. He knows<\/em> you have bought into that programming, and guess what? He\u2019s now going to use that against<\/em> you. He\u2019s going to push your buttons hard, by using every rude<\/em> skill he has to overcome your inability to be rude. And he will overcome your defenses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Could she have been rude enough to deny him building access? That\u2019s also not her fault, as most of us would have acquiesced. That is the cold, hard, truth.

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Look, if<\/em> you train, start seriously considering training your brain<\/em>. Violence typically begins with opportunity<\/em>. The act of violence starts in the mind. Intent<\/em> determines how much, how far, etc\u2026 These are mental abilities, and have little to do with physical skills that too many use to deny fear. Fear is a good thing, not what is pushed by marketers. If you can’t visualize doing damage to another person, damage that requires very solid intent, then all of the time you\u2019ve spent learning martial arts\/self-defense techniques is wasted. Criminals know this. Why do criminals beat many practitioners of the arts? Because they color outside the lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn to be rude!<\/strong> Who cares what anyone else thinks. Being rude might have saved an otherwise precious life here. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dedicated to Bev.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Further research:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Operant Conditioning<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Classical Conditioning<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How Rude!Social Conditioning & Behavior \u00a9 Copyright, 2022 Tim Boehlert What do you think you understand about the term social conditioning? Did you know that it is both a tool and a weapon? Here\u2019s how it is summarized in Wikipedia: Social conditioning is the sociological process of training individuals in a society to respond in a manner generally approved by the society … Continue reading How Rude!\u00a0Social Conditioning & Behavior<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random-thoughts","category-unpublished"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=817"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":820,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817\/revisions\/820"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/defendublog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}